- Crystal H.
Waiting on Love: The Struggle is Real
Let’s be honest, being single and waiting on love can leave you feeling emotionally drained, exhausted, and defeated like you’ve been through a war zone. The truth is, waiting on love is a war and the struggle is real. By no means is it an easy task. The war for love is not your typical war. It’s not the type of war you read about in your history books where there’s blood shed from weapons of mass destruction, instead it’s an internal war within the heart where blood shed comes from a heart that’s been broken, rejected, or has gone unnoticed for too long. It’s a war where you are fighting with all your might and you keep giving it all you have to keep a smile on your face. Even though you are giving it all you have every day you still go to battle in an attempt to defend your heart and your inner peace. The war for love is a war I once battled myself, so I understand the inner turmoil you’re facing. I know what it feels like to be heart broken and confused because everyone around you seems to be in love, but you. So, please don’t think you are alone in this. Just like I know how it feels to be in your shoes, I also know how it feels to be on the other side of the fence, as a victor. Conquering the war you are in is possible if you have the tools you need to succeed.
The first thing you need to do is join the winning team and if you’re wondering who is the winning team, you don’t have to go far to figure it out. The winning team is a team that has the Lord on their side. You must never forget that God is always available to help you in your time of need during this war. He knows every detail about the attack you’re under so it only makes sense to have Him in your army. He is the general and by following His lead you can’t do anything but win. Too many of you are trying to make things happen on your own. You cannot and will not win this battle by your own might. Even the bible states that the struggle we face is not against flesh and blood, but it is against the powers of this dark world (Ephesians 6:12), therefore put on the full armor of God so you can stand your ground when the enemy comes to attack (Ephesians 6:13). The struggle you are in has to be fought spiritually so you need a leader by your side that is Spirit. Once you allow God to come into your situation then you will be able to move forward with your strategic plan of attack.
Step 1: Create an action plan
Now, that you have given the Lord the authority to lead you in battle, you now need to devise a strategy or battle plan to win the battle you are in. Walking hap hazardously through your situation is not going to resolve your problem. You need to have an action plan and you need to be intentional about being victorious! Would a soldier walk aimlessly through enemy territory with no strategy or plan and actually expect to be victorious? Of course not. He would be taken captive or even killed. It’s not smart to go about life without a target or goal in mind. I know you want a husband and that would be the ideal goal, but I want you to consider a target goal that would be so much more satisfying, and that is a goal to win the war going on inside your heart. That way you can be happy, peaceful, content, and productive while you wait for your husband and when he arrives you won’t be loaded down with baggage. Your inner peace is worth more than a husband. The war isn’t over just because a man enters your life, but the war will be over when you conquer the devil and his scheme to attack your mind and cause you to doubt your Heavenly Father. Take the opportunity to be victorious over the negative emotions within your heart while you’re single, that way you will be better equipped to handle similar situations when they arise in your marriage. Because believe me the enemy will try to tempt you with those things again. The key thing to remember is that the trials you face now are intended to make you stronger so you can handle any future attacks that may be coming your way. What was once intended to harm you, God actually uses for your good (Genesis 50:20).
The action plan you need to use to win this battle, fortunately has already been laid out for you by our gracious heavenly father. The plan you need to take is found in Ephesians 6: 14-18. This plan of action explains how to put on the full armor of God so you can withstand attacks from the enemy. First you need to stand firm with the belt of truth and with the breastplate of righteousness (14). God asks for us to be righteous and holy, so we should strive to do this every day. Even when we are in a struggle we need to remain righteous. Don’t allow your negative situation to turn you into an angry person who is bitter and rude to others. During your battle you need to uphold your dignity and honor. Next, your feet need to have on shoes of readiness which comes from the gospel of peace (15). Having on shoes of readiness means you are ready to walk this war out, because you know your God is with you and He has given you peace through the gospel. You will also need to take the shield of faith, which will be used to put out the flaming darts of the enemy (16). Faith in God and His word will give you the ability to speak the truth boldly when the enemy tries to deceive you. The enemy may try to convince you that you are still single because you aren’t beautiful, but the breastplate of faith destroys that dart because you know you were created in Gods own image and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. The scripture also tells us to take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God (17). Our salvation through Jesus Christ is the number one thing that protects us from satan. Our salvation ultimately keeps us from dying in sin. The Spirit is our sword because we are fighting a spiritual war and the word of God is our weapon in this type of battle. That’s why it is so important to study the word during your singleness. Lastly, we are to pray in the Spirit all the time (18). Prayer is our communication tool. In order to win a battle, you must be able to communicate with the one who is calling all the shots. Each of these pieces of armor were designed to help us as we engage in battle. If we follow each of these instructions we will be fully equipped to take home the victory.
Step 2: Be on the look out
1 Peter 5:8 states “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” Don’t get caught with your guard down and don’t allow your emotions to consume your mind to a point where you start making irrational decision. Many of us make decisions based off our emotions and since we are so completely over being single we tend to make rushed decisions so we can get out of the place we are in. Don't allow your eagerness and anxiousness to find a husband end the war prematurely and cause you to step into a situation where you get hurt, trapped, or even defeated. The enemy may come to you disguised as a nice guy. It may be hard to tell in the beginning if the guy you have encountered is a friend or enemy, but once you start getting to know him, clues of his true intent should start surfacing. If he is not any good for you then it’s time to get him out of your safe zone! One sure way to tell if he is not good for you is to see if he causes you to go against the will of God. A Godly man will want to help you get closer to God not away from God. Sin is anything that separates us from God. So, don’t allow him to separate you from your heavenly father. I do understand some of you are trying to break things off with men who aren’t any good, but you’re struggling with leaving because you love him and he says he loves you too. Well let me say this, “I love you” is just a phrase and it’s not enough to keep him around. You need to see some actions to back up what he is saying. How can you let someone continue to be in your safe zone if they aren’t bringing you peace, joy, and happiness, but instead they are bringing you sorrow, turmoil, heartache, and strife. The bibles definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 does not explain love as something that tears you down. If you’ve told yourself “I deserve better”, then you deserve better. It’s that simple. When it comes to my husband I never had to tell myself “I deserve better”. Even when we have our disagreements there’s still no one better for me. He is my better half.
Please remember the enemy wants to destroy your mind and heart. He doesn't want the car you're driving, or the degree you have. He wants you and he wants you in brokenness and bondage. How can you productively live a life that's focused on pleasing God if you are too occupied with trying to keep yourself together. If you're never happy and never at peace then your heart needs some rehabilitation. The good news is, if you let God step in to fight your battles He will take care of it all for you. You must remember though, that He needs your cooperation too. This means if you are involved with someone and you have identified them as someone who is in opposition with your wellbeing then you must keep them out of your safe zone, which means away from you. This may be extremely difficult when you still have feelings for them, soul ties with them, children with them, etc. Sometimes you have to have different strategies for different situations to fight the enemy. The same strategy won't work for all. The truth is one size doesn't fit all. If you have children together, you obviously have to keep them around for sake of the children; therefore, you may not attack that situation the same way you would if you didn’t have children. They can still be involved in your child’s life and not be involved in your safe zone. Your safe zone is for you and it’s where you keep your inner peace. They are not allowed to get close enough to you to enter that part of you ever again. Being on the winning team requires you to make some hard decisions and it requires your obedience.
If you are struggling with letting he or she go because you're still in love, but you know they aren't for you, then you are still going to have to remove them from your safe place. When you do this please know and understand that a healing period will have to take place. It’s all part of the process and healing is usually not an easy, fast process. Look at it this way. If you broke your arm because you ran into a large rock and fell off your bike then it’s safe to say you will need to take some time off your bike in order to heal. Right? You shouldn’t continue to ride the bike with one arm while the other one heals. This would be senseless because your inability to ride the bike safely and correctly could cause you to fall again and break something else on your body. The smartest thing to do would be to stay off the bike and heal for however long it takes. Then move forward. Too many of us want to continue moving forward in a relationship with broken pieces. You will never be able to operate at your fullest potential if parts of you are still broken. Most of you don’t want to face the healing process because you know it will hurt, it won't feel good, and it will cause you to get out of your comfort zone. However, that’s what’s necessary if you want to win the war within your heart. Your heart needs to heal and it can't heal properly if you keep letting the guy or girl who broke your heart continue being a part of your heart. You must learn to forgive them and let them go. So, when are you going to make a choice to start healing so you can have a heart that’s ready to serve the Lord? I hope your answer is today.
In the bike scenario I mentioned in order for you to heal you have to stay off the bike. This doesn't mean you won't ever get back on the bike and the same goes for your heart. If your heart needs healing because you loved the wrong guy it doesn't mean you should never love again, it just means not that guy. Once you heal from that situation you will be stronger and more alert so when you get back on your bike you'll be aware of the enemy before you let him get too close to you. When it comes to winning the war in your heart, you have to be able to identify the enemy and when he is at work. Your past experiences should give you wisdom so you can discern which type of guys you shouldn’t involve yourself with.
Step 3: Be patient
Often times our inability to be patient and wait on God to bring us a husband has weakened our defenses and has made us vulnerable for attack. Like I stated earlier, if you make decisions based off your emotions then you may operate irrationally, which could cause you to settle for less or put yourself in a situation that’s not good for you. Please be patient and let the process work it’s self out. God is the beginning and the end! He already knows when your husband will make his grand appearance. All you need to do is stand firm and put on the full armor of God so you can be made stronger and better. Romans 12:12 states, “Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.” Ecclesiastes 7: 8 says the following “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.” The truth about patience is that it brings about godliness and when we practice self-control we demonstrate patience (2 Peter 1: 5-9).
Patience is extremely important during this season you are in. I know it’s hard to endure what you are going through, but you need to keep holding on because your victory is on the way. Learn as much as you can while you wait and don’t jump on the first guy that shows interest. Take your time and pray your way through dating and be ready to let them go if they are not producing good fruit in your life. When you learn to be patient you won’t settle for less than what God has for you. You will also learn how to protect one of the most sacred parts of you and won’t give in to fornication. Patience is so necessary in order for you to refrain from sexual activity until you’re married. Patience is a virtue and your journey through the war you’re in will create patience within you.
The war for love is a struggle, but the battle is not over until God says it’s over! It’s time for you to wake up the fighter in you and join the winning team. Let God come into your situation and make a winner out of you. The fight within your heart will not last forever. There is a season and a time for everything under the sun. You’re victorious because you have someone on your side who has never lost a battle. In fact, the battle has already been won! You just have to walk in boldness towards the finish line. Make sure you keep the full armor of God on you as you move towards your victory. Take this time to get suited up so nothing can catch you by surprise. Lastly, learn how to be patient. It was a struggle for me to be patient and wait for my husband to arrive. No one ever promised me the road would be easy, but I had all the strength I needed to keep moving on because I had God on my side. He gave me reassurance throughout my journey that the prize was coming and all I needed to do was keep believing and remain patient. So, don’t throw in the towel. You are a winner and there’s plenty of room for you on the winning team!
If He did it for me, He will do it for you