- Crystal H.
The Better Side of Singleness
What are your true thoughts and feelings about being single? How do you really feel about waiting to be found by your husband? I bet the majority of you reading this article have unpleasant and negative thoughts and feelings concerning your singleness. In our society, being single is often seen as a place of lack, loneliness, and brokenness and the stigma connected with being single has infiltrated the hearts and minds of those who eagerly wait for their knight in shining armor to arrive. Unfortunately, very few men and women have found satisfaction and contentment in their singleness, which results in a world full of single men and women who are fragile, depressed, and alone. This is not how God wants his people to feel as they live their lives. He doesn’t want our minds consumed on these self-esteem destroying stereotypes associated with being single. Instead, He wants us to be filled with peace, love, and joy as we live out our purpose here on earth.
If you are struggling with being single or if you are disgusted with the place you are in then I challenge you today to take back what yours and that is your joy, your peace, and your boldness as a man or woman of God. It’s time to be the head and not the tail. It’s time that you operate in the fullness of God, which begins now before your husband arrives. This is the moment you take a stand and recognize your identity in your singleness. Your identity in your singleness is found in God not in the world. So being single is not a place of defeat, but it’s a place of enrichment and development. It’s a place where your devotion to God is centered on him. Even Paul tells us in I Corinthians 7: 32-35 that when we are unmarried we have the opportunity to be completely devoted to the Lord without being distracted by the needs of our spouse. So, this is the perfect time for you to build yourself up and not tear yourself down. If you are a child of the most high God then it’s time for you to walk in that authority! Repeat after me “Being single will not defeat me. My world does not revolve around my relationship status. My world revolves around Jesus!” By saying that statement you acknowledge that Jesus is the love of your life and the center of your life. Romans 8:28 states that all things work together for the good to those who love God and who are called according to His purpose. Therefore, things will work out for you if you keep your focus on God and his Kingdom. How can you have a kingdom mentality if you are filling your mind and heart with things that are less than what God purposed for you. The word of God says He will keep us in perfect peace, if our mind is kept on Him, because we trust Him (Isaiah 26:3). The bible also says to set your minds on things above, not on earthly things (Colossians 3:2). The change you need will need to start in your mind.
Perhaps if you had reasons why you should be hopeful in your singleness then you would understand why this part of your life has benefits. Once you discover your identity and how singleness is beneficial to you then you will be able to view your situation from a totally new aspect. Life will have a new meaning and your mind will be occupied with noble things rather than things that tear you down. When you reach this point in your journey contentment and peace will be yours. So, what are some of the reasons why being single means so much more than being alone? Let’s discuss how can you discover your true identity in your singleness.
First, I want to rid your mind of the negative thoughts and perceptions you have of yourself. This will be the first step towards finding your identity. Your identity is not found in a man or woman! Too many people think if they are in a relationship they will be identified as a desirable person or a person who has value because someone has given them the title as girlfriend or boyfriend. You don’t gain value by a title, you gain value by what you are worth. Proverbs 31:10 tells us that a wife of noble character is worth far more than rubies. Who you are as a woman is where your value can be found. It is not found in a man’s decision to make you his girlfriend. Please understand your identity should not be placed at the hands of another. You must first learn to love yourself and know that your identity ultimately is found in God, the one who created you. You must remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God created us all with inner and outer beauty and we are all uniquely designed. Sometimes this is hard to recognize because we live in a world where looks are everything and we tend to get caught up in physical beauty. We will put others and even ourselves down because we don’t line up with the worlds idea of beauty. Just like our negative mindset towards singleness we also have a negative mindset towards beauty if we don’t have an extraordinarily beautiful face, long hair, and a curvy body. We conform to so many worldly characteristics of beauty that we forget what really makes a person beautiful.
One thing I can appreciate about the modeling industry, is that most modeling agencies look for a face that is uniquely beautiful. The model that may be considered awkward in the eyes of most may be considered beautiful in the modeling word. Beauty is what you make of it. If you carry yourself like an unattractive person then that’s how you will be perceived, but if you handle yourself with dignity and poise then you will be perceived based on those things. It may seem like others don’t recognize your beauty, but I’m here to tell you that when it comes to your husband, he will see your hidden beauty. God has blessed your husband with a unique detection device that will be able to detect your hidden treasure, while others won’t see it. Only your husband will be able to discover the one thing about you that is so amazing and often times goes unnoticed by others. Forget what others have said about you. They have not breathed life into you, so don’t give the opportunity to take the one thing God gave you, which is you, your identity, and your inner peace. I know people have hurt you, but you can’t give them your joy. Don’t trade your truth for their lies. You are beautiful, you are amazing, and you are a child of the most high God. Don’t ever forget that! Men and women of all different shapes, sizes, colors etc. have gotten married and their looks didn’t stop them from getting what God had for them. Your husband will recognize you.
Another thing you must do to discover your identity is to remember who’s you are. You are not a person of this world. You have been set apart so therefore you can’t expect to operate on the same terms as those who are in the world. Romans 12:2 states, “Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God.” It is important that we keep ourselves distinguished from those of the world. You must also remember that greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world (I John 4:4). If He is greater in you, then you have been preauthorized for greater things, which means you should have greater thoughts, greater power, greater self-esteem, greater compassion, greater love, and the list goes on. If you believe He is greater in you then you already have all you need to be great. Your faith has granted you access to greatness!
Now that I’ve gotten a few things cleared up about your identity I would like to share with you a few reasons why being single is not as bad as you think it is. I know you see how beautiful love is and how amazing a Godly marriage can be. I know the grass looks greener on the other side, but the main thing I want you to understand is that taking on the title as “Wife” or “Husband” does not erase your insecurities, your pain from the past, your inability to trust, your loneliness, or your anger. The definition of the word spouse does not say a spouse is the answer to your problems as a single person. A spouse will not solve your problems, it may temporarily cover up your issues, but what’s in your heart will remain in your heart. Marriage and taking on the responsibility as a wife means hard work. Being married is a beautiful thing, but it requires work and if you are not equipped with faith, inner strength, and an identity of who you are then you are likely to crash when a storm hits your marriage or you may lose yourself in the process because you are trying to change who you really are to please your spouse.
So, what’s so great about being single? Well let’s start off with your overall purpose in life. If you agree that greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world then you understand that your purpose is great and that you can’t be linked up with someone who can’t influence your purpose in a positive way. I know it seems like the wait for your husband is endless, but remember the man God has prepared for you is rare just like you and it’s totally ok if it takes a while to meet him. Even if you are in your forties or even your fifties, there is nothing too hard for God. God just requires you to have faith in Him during the process. Being single means you still have something to look forward to and every man you’ve encountered this far that you thought was the one is nothing compared to the real deal. I would rather wait and be single than rush into a partnership with someone who has no true purpose with me. The fact that he hasn’t arrived yet means you still have time to discover what God is trying to show you in your singleness.
What things are still residing deep in your heart that won’t be enriching in your marriage. Who have you still not forgiven? What weaknesses are you trying to hide? Are you an angry woman that always assumes the worst? With me I had to forgive some people and they weren’t necessarily ex’s or guys that hurt me. Sometimes we have to forgive other people in our lives. In my case, I had to forgive those in my life who were draining me mentally. My mind was stuck on the things they did or said and I couldn’t let it go. I had to seek God and ask Him to help me with forgiveness. When I got married I learned very soon that forgiveness was key to a long lasting marriage. Sometimes your spouse may unintentionally do something that hurts you, but you have to forgive them. Unforgiveness in a marriage can damage the marriage. I also had to learn how to be obedient. I was use to doing what I wanted when I wanted to, and God was trying to work that out of me. When I finally obeyed Gods commands in my singleness things started to shift for me and marriage eventually followed. One last thing I had to get rid of in my heart while I was single was how I viewed beauty and physical appearance. I had to ask God to destroy my superficial mindset as it pertained to looks. I was so stuck on “my type” that I was blind to what God had for me. When God delivered me from this mindset I recognized my husband and the rest was history.
Another reason why you should view singleness as something positive is because it is a place for growth and preparation. Please take advantage of this time. Don’t get caught in a marriage with nothing to bring to the table. You have the opportunity while you are single to become the ideal wife. There are certain things your husband will need from you in your marriage so ask God to develop you into the wife your husband will need. Ask God to show you what characteristics and attributes you need to have to be a Godly wife. Also take this time to get closer to God. Spend time with him in prayer and reading the word. A close relationship with God will get you in the right posture for a Godly marriage.
When I met my husband, I asked him what was he looking for in a wife and he said he was looking for a wife that prays. He wanted a wife who had a relationship with the Lord and wasn’t afraid to seek God in prayer with him at any given time. When he recognized this in me his heart was filled and he began to see me as his wife. I wasn’t always a woman that prayed first. It took me some time to develop into the praying woman that my future husband would eventually be looking for. That’s why it is so important that you take this time to allow God to mold you into the woman He will have for you to be. Perhaps your husband hasn’t arrived yet because there are some qualities you need to have in order for your husband to recognize you and your future husband may also be in a development phase as well. So don’t dwell on where you are. Take advantage of where you are so you can be ready to do Gods will and fulfill the purpose he has for you and your husband in marriage.
The season you are in has benefits attached to it and you will be able to see that if you allow yourself to view your situation from a positive standpoint. One of my favorite sayings is “God will get the glory after this” and this is the mindset you need to have while you are single. Always keep in mind that God has a plan for your life and your story will bless others. Your testimony will be something that will bring others closer to God and will help other woman and men who are in your shoes. The testimony you will have is being written now and you can’t abort the process! You have to keep writing and keep believing that God will get the glory after all is said and done. That should be your highest priority in all that you do. Your desire should be to glorify God in all that you do and that includes your single life and your marriage. That is why I am sharing this blog with you today. God blessed me with a husband, when it looked like it wasn’t going to happen for me. When God finally brought my husband into my life I couldn’t keep my story to myself. I had an urge to let others know how good God is and that He is a promise keeper. God promised me I would be married and it came to pass. I am a testimony for you and so many others and my goal is to glorify God through this blog. Now I can see how my marriage is glorifying God. My marriage is not about me, but it’s about showing others that a Godly marriage is still possible and those who are still waiting on it have a reason to be hopeful and optimistic while they wait.
Please don’t give up now. You have a testimony that needs to be completed. Take the opportunity while you are single to become all that God will have you to be. If you are struggling with loving yourself or have low self-esteem pray to God to give you the ability to love yourself and to see yourself the way God sees you. You can’t rely on a man to give you self-esteem nor can you allow yourself to believe that you will start loving yourself because a man loves you. You need to identify who you are before your husband enters your life. I also want you to focus on the positive things about your singleness. This is a time for you to grow and build your testimony. You have great things to look forward to! You have a purpose and I believe it will be fulfilled when you start enjoying life and not allow your situation to diminish your joy. Keep walking by faith and keep your mind on things hopeful.
If He did it for me, He will do it for you