What it Took to Get Here...
I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready!!! Man, I can’t tell you how many times I told God, friends, and family that I was ready for a relationship. The truth was I was so completely over being stuck in a position I couldn’t change that I made myself ready. At least in my mind. I thought because I had been single for so long and because so much time had passed that I was automatically guaranteed to be ready. That’s right, time had made me ready and I was using that as my stamp of approval to prove that I was a legitimate product ready for a relationship.
I would talk to God about my readiness as if He didn’t know the truth. My conversations with God would sound something like this, “Lord, I’ve been single for four years now and I’ve learned from the last relationship. I know what not to date now and I know not to settle for less. I even see what I need to change within myself. Therefore, Lord I’m ready”. Or it would sound a little like this, “Lord, I realize now that I let the last guy, a good guy, go for superficial reasons and now I see I made a mistake. I was too focused on the wrong thing. I see now It’s the heart that matters the most, so Lord I’m ready”. I had it figured out y’all. I just knew I was ready and for some reason no matter how much I knew I was ready, nothing I mean nothing happened. How frustrating! I saw personal growth and development, but still I was single.
Now some of you may not be in denial about your readiness, but for me and so many others we truly believe we are ready when we are not. Although, my reasons for being ready were actual signs of personal growth and were very necessary, God still wanted to reveal something much deeper to me. In His eyes, I was not ready and now that I am finally married, I realize too that I was not ready at all.
So, let’s take a different approach and examine our singleness from a different position. Let’s look deeper into it and see if we are truly postured and ready for relationship with the man God has ordained for you to be with. What you have been waiting for is a serious deal. It’s a lifelong commitment to one person and together you will take on the world and bring glory to our heavenly father. Remember, the man God is preparing for you is unlike any other man you will ever encounter. He will exceed your imagination and he needs a wife that will be able to push him forward not slow him down. Build him up and be a valuable asset in his life. You are his rib, not an extra weight for him to carry. In order for you to determine if you are truly “ready” for this awesome husband of yours I want you to take away all the external qualifications floating around in your mind that qualify you to be ready, and look at where you are spiritually. In other words, how do you qualify for the job spiritually. What are some things that need to be addressed and cleaned up before your husband comes into your life? You won’t be perfect when he arrives because no one is perfect, but you want to be in a place in life where you are producing good fruit and that fruit is evident. Matthew 7:17-20 states, “A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.” This scripture is so true. If you are not producing good fruit then it will be evident. If your fruit is sour then it’s time to dig to the root of the problem and start planting the rights seeds to reap the right harvest that will make you ready for a relationship. Another good question to ask yourself is are you producing the same kind of fruit you would like to see in your husband? If not, you’re not quite ready.
There are four spiritual areas that I had to mature in before I was fully ready for marriage. Those areas are faith, obedience, surrendering, and prayer. These four areas put me in a posture that ultimately prepared me for marriage. Putting these key components to practice changed my life. So, I want to etch these four things into your brain… faith, obedience, surrendering, and prayer. These are the seeds that will develop and grow you into the kind of fruit tree that produces good sweet fruit. The kind of ripe fruit that will be ready for a fruitful relationship and ready to be used by God. Remember in my article “Interrogating Satan: his lies about your singleness”, I stated the truth about why you are single. It is so important to understand this. Once you learn why you are single you can appreciate where you are and where you are going. The place you are in right now is a place to grow and to develop your fruit. As I matured spiritually I realized I needed to have a fruitful marriage filled with purpose. When I discovered this a shift took place! I was getting postured. My focus shifted from just wanting to be a good wife to wanting to glorify God in my marriage. I was longing for a relationship that would be an example in a dark world. I wanted to break generational curses in my family and I saw my future marriage as a form of worship. Being a wife was more than a title to me, it was a ministry. Finally, I had a mission, and it was a mission that was inside the will of God. His kingdom would be edified through my marriage. How amazing it is to be in the will of God! That’s when things start changing. Mark my words. Get in His will, and He will turn it around.
Okay, so let me get back to our 4 points: faith, obedience, surrendering, and prayer. First, let’s talk a little about faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. I’m sure we’ve heard this scripture over and over again, but how does this apply to your single life? You may not see your husband and may not know how or when he will arrive, but by faith you must stand firm on what you believe. You must continue to have hope and never give up! Also, faith without works is dead, so though you may be waiting on God to bring your man, there’s still work to be done. Faith is an action word. How are you going to put your faith to action in your singleness? Well, I’m glad you asked. By faith you are going to walk every day with power and authority no matter what your relationship status is. You’re not waiting to get married to start your life, but you will start your life while waiting to get married. By your faith you will speak the word of God over your situation and when the enemy tries to bring you down you will fight him with the word of God! By faith, you WILL continue to walk as a bold woman of God, and as you do this I guarantee you will catch the eye of a that godly man you’ve been waiting for. It may take some time and it may get difficult, but never take your crown off because you’re tired. God will renew your strength. So carry your crown with dignity and valor where ever you go. Don’t get caught slippin’. The enemy is waiting for any opportunity to attack.
Another great way to spiritually position yourself for marriage through faith is to pray for your spouse (I will go into greater detail about prayer later in the article). Before I met my husband, I prayed for him. I didn’t have a clue who he was or where he was, but I believed he was out there. Don’t get me wrong. There were times during my journey where I felt like giving up and I didn’t see how marriage was going to happen for me, but I never lost all hope. After I had my pity party, God would always comfort me. A small quiet voice would always remind me that what I was desiring and praying for was out there. So somewhere towards the latter years of my singleness I started praying for my husband. I knew the reason why we had not crossed paths yet was because God was still working on us. I would pray for God to help my husband with whatever struggles he may be facing. I asked God to strengthen his faith and to mold him into the man He wanted him to be. I prayed that God would keep him hopeful if he also felt that love was nowhere to be found. You should also pray for your husband or wife. Pray that God will build him/her up and that God will give you both faith to continue on your journey until you meet.
Second, obedience. This is such an incredibly important point to understand and follow. Rewards are most definitely tied to our obedience! When you hear the voice of the Lord commanding you to do something do it. During my single life I remember so clearly being told to let some people go. To quit digging up dead relationships from my past. Did I listen, not all the time, but eventually I learned after going in the same circle over and over again. God wanted me to himself. He needed me to be isolated from external interferences. It was extremely hard separating myself from certain people, but it was necessary. Let this be a warning, when you start being obedient and letting people go trust and believe, the enemy will step in and tempt you. He will try to stop your progress and make you question your decision. Satan will always be in opposition with what God is doing in your life. Choosing to be obedient is a down payment for an attack. I’m not saying this to scare you, but to warn you. Be prepared and be ready. Always know that no weapon formed against you shall prosper and greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world. You need to stay prayed up and stay in your word during this time. The word of God will be your weapon.
Also know that during this phase of your singleness confusion will set in. You may question whether you are hearing the voice of God. You may be confused if the person you are dealing with is a permanent person or a temporary person. The only way to discern these things is to allow God to show you. In order for Him to show you must have a relationship with Him. Here are some tips though that may help you to get started. If you are unsure of a decision to make or if you are questioning whether something is in or outside the will of God just ask yourself “does my flesh say yes to this situation?”. If the answer is yes, then you may want to rethink some things. If your answer is no then you may want to lean in that direction. We should be spirit led not flesh led. Things that are often satisfying to the flesh are not pleasing to our spirit and this does not only apply to intimate matters. For example, your flesh may be satisfied with not forgiving someone who lied about you or an ex that cheated on you, however the will of God is for us to forgive and to love our enemies. My next tip is always remember that God does not create confusion. I Corinthians 14:33 states “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…” Satan wants to confuse your mind and make you doubt the voice of God. So, if you don’t have peace about a choice, a person, a thing then it may not be for you. You must be obedient, no matter how great the sacrifice or how unusual it may seem. Be obedient! If we love God we will be obedient. When I started being obedient to Gods commands concerning my singleness and the guys in my life that’s when things starting happening. I was finally getting positioned for a true relationship.
Next, the act of surrendering may be difficult in the beginning, but it will get better with time. To surrender means to cease resistance, to hand over or give up. To surrender to God means you end resistance to His will, you hand over yourself, and you give up yourself completely. This does not come naturally to us so you will notice you may resist it in the beginning. However, when you surrender yourself to God and give Him total control and the authority to have his way in your life you will finally start to see things working out in your favor. Surrendering to God acknowledges that God is in control and that you trust Him completely. You can’t surrender without faith or obedience. Would you give yourself away to someone you didn’t trust or believe in? The answer should be no, therefore you must have faith in Him in order to surrender. Every time I surrendered myself to God and gave Him control to take care of a problem for me, He would always show his loving kindness and faithfulness to me by resolving my problem. This in turn caused me to have faith in Him even more, which resulted in my ability to surrender more easily and completely.
Surrendering also requires obedience. God wants us to surrender and allow him to fight our battles. He says for us to cast our cares and worries on him for he cares for us. Casting my cares and worries on Him is a great example of surrendering. God never intended for us to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. He instructs those who are weary and who carry heavy burdens to come to him and He will give them rest. “Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). Releasing your issues to the Lord is an act of obedience. His will is not for us to carry our loads, but to trust Him enough to take care of all of our concerns, and that includes your single life. I promise, once you fully surrender and sincerely mean it from deep within you are in a posture for God to bless you. Faith, obedience, and surrendering are key ingredients that will get you postured for relationship.
Lastly, I want to talk about prayer. What would we do without prayer. Let me start off first by saying prayer absolutely changes things! You must pray during your singleness. Take your concerns to the father and spend time meditating on His word. Spending time with God should be a priority, more than your desire to be found by our husband. During my singleness I would talk to God frequently about my problems and concerns. I included Him in my situation. I tried figuring it out on my own, but I failed every single time! After failing so many times, I had only one desire and that was to do the will of God! I even fasted and prayed for my husband and if it didn’t work I wouldn’t be writing this blog right now. God answers prayers. I’m a living testimony that God answered my prayers about my husband. He did not forget me and He sent my husband right on time. Not only did he send me the husband I prayed for, but he exceeded my expectations in every way imaginable! On your journey you will most definitely encounter moments where it seems like God is silent, but trust me He still hears. Matthew 7:7-8 puts it this way, “keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened”. Don’t give up! Keep praying, keep seeking, keep knocking and your husband will come. Keep the faith and have confidence in the Lord. He loves you so much and wants you to be happy in every area of your life.
Faith, obedience, surrendering, and prayer are the tools you need get positioned for relationship. So now that you know what it took for me to get here, it’s your turn to do what it takes to get here too. Your husband is out there. So, get postured!
If He did it for me, He will do it for you