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December 19, 2017

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He led me on, now what?

December 8, 2017

 I’m sure many of you have heard the following phrase, “I’m not ready for a relationship”, only to find that same person in a relationship with another person a month later. What’s up with that? Trust me, you are not alone when it comes to this type of situation. I can remember how it made me feel to know the guy I really liked didn’t like me back, but what seemed to cut even deeper was when the guy led me on to believe he liked me too, only to leave me high and dry for the next best thing. So, I think it’s fair to say that all of you reading this blog post have experienced how hurtful it can be to be led on by someone you thought had mutual feelings for you. I also think we all would agree that it’s even more hurtful when that person abruptly vanishes out of your life to be with someone else and you are left with questions and a broken heart. I’m not sure which one is worse, the person vanishing without a reason or excuse, or them giving you a bogus reason as to why things weren’t working out only for you to find them in a committed relationship with someone else soon after.  It makes you feel unappreciated, confused, and hurt. So, the question is how do you handle a situation where you are led on by someone you like and the person you thought liked you in return is now committed to someone else? Well, I’m glad you asked! I’m going to explain how to do a reality check, keep your dignity, class, and grace, and deal with the broken pieces of your heart. All of these things will help you cope with the inner turmoil you feel and walk away from the situation as a winner.

 

So first, let’s do a little reality check. As I stated before, every one of us has experienced rejection when it comes to being led on by someone we had feelings for. The reality is, we all will get our turn to experience these emotions in life, and you are not immune from these experiences just because you are a good person or a Christian. The adversary prowls around like a roaring lion searching for someone to devour, so you must remain alert and ready (1 Peter 5:8). This also means you will need to keep your guard up, guard your heart, and don’t be so willing to allow someone to come into your heart so soon. I’m not saying to harden your heart, because a hardened heart can’t be penetrated at all. You want to still have a heart that can be loved and give love in return, but you don’t want to make it openly accessible to just anybody, and you don’t want to reveal all that you feel in your heart so soon to a person. Sometimes it pays off to keep your feelings to yourself even when you want to share them. So, I want you to know first, that you are going to face trials, you just have to be ready to handle what life has to bring you.

 

The world we live in is filled with trials and tribulations and unfortunately, dating has it’s own set of trials and tests just like every other area of our lives. Your attitude concerning the trials you face will greatly determine your outcome of the test. It’s all about how you accept and handle it. If you get fired from your job you can take the dismissal and pout about it while sitting at home doing nothing about it, or you can evaluate what happened accept the challenge and handle the situation by finding another job. The choice is yours.  I like how Joel Osteen put it, “Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair, you will do more than simply survive, you will thrive in spite of it.” You have to believe that God will deliver you out of every trial you face, including the troubles you face in your love life. Just like any other area of your life, God will step in and heal your broken heart if you let Him. This means quit having a pity party with yourself and use the energy you are using towards self-pity and allow that energy as fuel to drive you towards self-love and self-development. It’s not the end of the world and you have to remember that! You can’t allow the strain on your heart to strangle your hope, joy, peace, and self-esteem. As children of God He has already given you a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7), which means you are equipped with power to get through the hurt. The Lord is faithful and will give you strength and protection against the evil one (2 Thessalonians 3:3). Lastly, Psalm 138:3 states, “When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted. This means we can call on our father and he will strengthen our heart and make us strong again. How wonderful is it to know we serve a loving God like that!

 

So, what do you do if the person you are seeing comes into your life dressed as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Meaning he is a Christian man, goes to church, and seems honest and trustworthy, but somehow leads you on and breaks your heart with no compassion towards your feelings. Before you can deal with this type of situation you will have to do another reality check and examine the situation through your unnatural eye. It’s so easy to get caught up by what we see with our human eye that we totally ignore the warning signs the Holy Spirit is trying to give us. Don’t be blinded by physical attraction or by charm. Keep your vision clear and open your ears to hear whatever God may be trying to show you concerning the person you are involved with. So, whenever you enter into a situation with a new person you have to start it off by going to the Lord in prayer asking for wisdom and discernment concerning the situation you are in. You will need wisdom and discernment to recognize the good from the bad. The bible warns us in Matthew 7: 15-20 to “Beware of false prophets, who come to you dressed in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits… A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.”  Although the bible mentions false prophets in particular in this scripture, I personally believe this same principle can be applied to any type of person that has misleading intentions. The only way to apply this principle to your everyday life is to have spiritual discernment. Spiritual discernment will give you the ability to see the type of fruit that is produced by the person in your life. 1 John 4:1-5 states for us to not believe every spirit, but try the spirit to determine if it is from God because many false prophets have gone out into the world. Once again, the bible mentions false prophets. Therefore, the bible clearly lets us know there are deceitful people in the world who are disguised as if they are not. Some people will look like the best thing ever, but their talk won’t line up with their walk. For instance, if a guy comes to you as a Christian man then he needs to be producing some Christian fruit. His talk should line up with his walk. What comes out of his mouth should be evident in his everyday living.

 

When I met my husband, I could see that his talk lined up with his walk. The fruit of his spirit was all good and was in agreement with me. He didn't curse, never drank, was a virgin, and didn't like to be around unholy gossip or unholy entertainment. He read his bible almost daily and prayed everyday. He inspired me to increase my prayer life and my study time in the word. I could tell by his spirit he was the real deal and it drew us closer together. I can remember in the past meeting and falling for people who seemed like they were the real deal, but their talk didn't line up with their walk. If someone says they love the Lord then they have to be willing to follow His commands which includes formication.  In the book of John, Jesus tells us “If you love me, keep my commands” (John 14:15). I know no man or woman is perfect, so I don’t expect perfection, but we should at least make it our mission to strive for holiness and righteousness. So, all I’m saying is that the man you are getting to know should sincerely have a desire to be righteous and so should you. His desire to be righteous should be evident in his words and behavior. A man driven by lust who tries to make you have sex before marriage after you've explained to him that you want to wait does not show signs of being trusted. Yes, everyone will deal with sexual attraction and temptation, but there’s a difference when someone tries to convince you to sin rather than work together with you to fight the temptation.

 

Now that you have done a personal reality check, it is time for you to master the art of being a lady when it comes to handling your hurt feelings with grace, dignity, and class. This step is a crucial one! Ladies, please don’t lose yourself because you lost a man. I know anger is probably the first reaction you have when you discover a man has led you on and then left you for someone else, but you can’t act outside of your character to find peace. Peace is not found in hurtful words or actions. You don’t hurt someone because they hurt you, instead you handle the situation with grace and dignity. Show them how much of a queen you really are by not letting them see you sweat. Don’t beg them to stay around, you are not a beggar. You are a child of the most high God and you don’t have time to convince someone to stay with you. Your worth can’t be taught to someone, so spare them the lecture on how they are going to miss out on something great. If they don’t get it themselves then oh well. All of your great qualities should already be known and if they are not, then he is not the man for you. Your husband will recognize all of the hidden treasures within you.

 

I know having an attitude to gracefully handle hurtful situations is easier said than done. It may take some practice to not give in to the human side of you that wants to confront someone when they’ve done you wrong. I don’t see a problem with getting answers as to why someone made a certain decision, but I do see a problem if you are seeking the answers you need in a hostile manner. So, remember it’s ok to be upset, angry, hurt, confused, lost, frustrated, and misunderstood. These are all natural feelings that we all have felt when it comes to rejection, but I want you to remember that the feelings you have will soon go away, so don’t respond to your problem without dealing with these emotions first. You will have to go through a healing period, but it will get better! Also, I want you to aim to have control over your emotions and reactions. When we act based on our emotions, we often regret the things we have said or done, so give yourself time to calm down so you can think clearly. A woman who knows how to carry herself with dignity, class, and grace is an instant attraction for a man. Even the bible states it is better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife (Proverbs 21:19). A man who finds a wife that knows how to control her tongue is a good thing to find! You have to be a woman who is slow to anger and can speak gracefully, even in the most troubling situations. It will be a challenge, but it’s worth striving for. The character you will be building within yourself, while dealing with your hurt in a dignifying way, will be noticed by the one who will appreciate it the most, your husband. Be a classy lady, not an angry crazy lady! Be a lady who has dignity, which means you are worthy of respect and honor. Keep your dignity and walk above the madness. Lastly, be a woman of grace. To be graceful means you are refined and poised. Graceful women don’t stoop down to the level of those who hurt them. Instead, they rise above it and keep on living, smiling, and being the best woman they can possibly be. A wife of noble character is worth more than rubies (Proverbs 31:10). Be a wife of noble character that can gracefully handle being hurt.

 

Finally, I want to discuss how to deal with the broken pieces of your heart after being hurt or let down by a guy or girl that has led you on. The best way to deal with a broken heart is to deal with it. That doesn’t mean pretend it never happened, hide from the truth, runaway from love, harden your heart, push your way into someone else’s arms, or self medicate your hurt away. Dealing with your hurt means you admit you were hurt and you ask God to heal your heart, with an understanding that things will get better. Tell God how you feel and that you want to be healed emotionally and restored completely, so you can move on with a heart that’s filled with peace and forgiveness. The best cure to a broken heart won’t cost you a dime. All it requires is your willingness to let God in and your optimistic attitude to find the best out of every situation. If God can heal our body from sickness and disease then he can heal a broken heart. In order for him to heal your brokenness you must spend time with him. This means time in His word and keeping your mind kept on Him. If you give your situation more time than God, then it’s obvious which side will ultimately have the victory, but if you spend more time in worship then your strength will be increased and you will have the victory over your negative situation. Never forget to center your mind and heart on Christ! He is the answer and the cure. He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3).  So, how do you take care of your broken heart? 1. You admit you are hurt. 2. You ask God to heal your heart. 3. You have an optimistic attitude towards your healing. 4. You immerse yourself in prayer and studying Gods word. If you do these things you will win the war within your heart.

 

No one likes being led on nor do we like the emotions that are attached to the negative outcome of being rejected after being led on. No matter how terrible this situation makes you feel you have to remember you are not alone and you can get through this. Handle your situation with dignity, class, and grace! Don’t ruin your reputation over a person that was never worth your time in the first place, and please remember a broken heart if fixable. My heart has been broken many times and I survived! You can too, if you let God heal your heart. When you let God in your heart peace and joy are yours and even better, you will be able to go into the next situation free from baggage and unforgiveness. You are a lady and your husband will respect you for the noble character your negative situations have created.

 

Love,

If He did it for me, He will do it for you

 

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