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December 19, 2017

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Is He Really Into You?

November 3, 2017

Have you ever wondered if the guy you were seeing was truly into you?  I’ll go ahead and raise my hand right here for all the past experiences I had in this area of my life. I’d meet a guy, hope for the best, but the mixed signals I would receive kept my mind in a frenzy! I wore myself out trying to piece together the jig saw puzzle of interpreted actions, gestures, and behaviors I perceived from the guy I was getting to know.  In an attempt to decode the hidden truth behind their interest towards me, I found myself trying to interpret and breakdown every action these guys made. It was like a never-ending riddle that had to be solved and I was not satisfied until I found the answer.  Sometimes I discovered what I was looking for quickly, while at other times it seemed to take forever. Nevertheless, despite the amount of time it took to find the conclusion, a conclusion ultimately had to be found, and my experiences are what helped to give me the wisdom I needed to decipher who was really into me or not. Dating is so much easier when you have the ability to weed out the guys who are serious and those who are not. So, what are some ways you can tell if the guy you are seeing is really interested in you? Please keep reading to see if the situation you are in matches the guys described below. For the men reading this post these scenarios also go for women.

 

1. The guy who never calls you, but you always call him.

 

Please be aware of this type of guy. This is probably one of the most visible signs that a guy is not 100% interested in you. Sounds simple enough, but when we are interested in a guy we tend to become blind to what’s obvious. So I’m here to sprinkle some water on those sleepy eyes. If you call him all the time and he never calls you, then there is something unequal about this equation. My husband didn’t hesitate to call me. He wanted to show his interest in me and wanted to make it known. When he finally got my number he text me every day and called me every day. We talked every single day. For some of you, you may say this is a bit much and I understand that you have a life outside of dating, but when you are truly interested in the guy who is pursuing you there is no such thing as “He calls me too much”.  You will always look forward to your next interaction with him. My husband’s desire to talk to me every day for countless hours proved to me I was a priority on his list. It told me he was interested in getting to know me. I didn’t have to play the waiting game by the phone hoping and praying that he would finally call me. He would also send me messages in the morning and during the day to let me know I was on his mind. The guys who are serious about getting to know you will call you ladies. A serious guy will get your number and will put it to use. The guy who isn’t completely interested in you will get your number, save it, and pull it out when the other women he’s talking to aren’t available. If he is not making as much of an effort to call you and as you are to call him, then he may not be completely invested in you. And I’m not saying things won’t change if he doesn’t call you frequently when you first meet. In the beginning most people are still trying to figure things out, but at some point there should be a shift in how he demonstrates his interest in you. If you’ve been talking to a guy for 6 months and you still call him and he rarely calls you, then it’s time to put your time, which is valuable, somewhere else.

 

The guy who never calls you, but you always call him = freed up storage space on your phone because his number needs to be deleted.

 

2. The guy who never keeps his word with you.

 

This kind of behavior from a guy has to be one of the most unattractive traits to me. In my opinion a man keeps his word. A man who can commit himself to the things he says is extremely attractive and this type of guy should be kept around. If a guy makes plans with you to take you out on a date and he always has an excuse as to why he can’t make the date or all of a sudden he’s not answering his phone a few days before, please beware. This type of guy may not be into you. A guy who is truly interested in you will make sure he keeps his word with you. He wouldn’t want to ruin his reputation with you by being a lousy keeper of his word. A guy who wants to get to know you will be honored to spend time with you and he won’t be too busy for you. My motto is you make time for the things you want to make time for. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes things really come up and he may need to cancel a date. Everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt at first, but if the same behavior becomes habitual then it’s time to explore your options. When it came down to my relationship with my husband he always kept his word. If he told me we were going out on a date, then we went on a date. If he said he was going to call me after work, he called me after work. If he said he was going to research the best weed killer to spray in my yard (my yard was terrible y’all), you better believe he researched it and gave me several options, their cost, and where to find it. Better yet he offered to get it for me and volunteered to spray the weeds himself without me asking. I know this may seem trivial, but it’s the small things that count. A man who keeps his word with you shows he is able to carry out his commitment to you and he will do the same when he is committed to you in marriage.

 

The guy who never keeps his word with you = deaf ears because your ears only have time to listen to someone who’s words have value.

 

3. The guy who wants to spend time with you, but not in public.

 

Please don’t be fooled by the mixed signals that guys and even woman can send. This particular point can be often misunderstood. A guy who wants to spend all his time with you at home may seem pretty innocent. After all, he is spending time with you, right? Well here is my take on that. A guy who is interested in making you his wife will want to get to know you in many different environments and atmospheres. He will want to see how fun you are when you go out to bowl. He will want to see how you’re a good listener and conversationalist over dinner. He doesn’t mind worshiping with you in church and seeing you with your friends and family. The guy who is really interested in you will want to show you off because he is proud of the good catch he has. Spending alone time in a private setting at his house or yours is not a bad thing if you’re responsible, but we all know how things can go when you are alone in a quiet room snuggled up with the opposite sex. The devil can step in and tempt the two of you into doing something you may not be ready for. Spending time at home is not bad, but it’s not necessarily good either if that’s the only place you spend time together. My husband and I dated outside of our homes for about 2-3 months before we ever set foot in each other’s house. We both were focused on getting to know one another and wanted to make sure things were moving in a positive direction towards a relationship before we started inviting each other over. We took things slow and did what felt natural. We didn’t rush anything. If we were meant to be we would have a lot of time to spend with each other in a private setting so we didn’t make that our primary focus in the beginning.

 

The guy who wants to spend time with you, but not in public = a reduced power bill. If he is going to come over your house every day and you have to pay to host and entertain him, but he can’t pay to take you out on a date, then I think it’s only fair he gives you some coins to contribute to the power bill since the power he used to watch back to back movies on Netflix with you until 2am wasn’t free. That will be $20.88 please. Thank you. (Please don’t go around asking for power bill money for real, this is just a sarcastic way to get my point across).

 

4.  They guy who won’t take you home to visit his family.

 

I remember the last committed relationship I had before I met my husband. I thought I was ready for marriage and I thought I was going to marry the guy I was seeing at the time. I thank God for opening my eyes to the truth about that relationship before I made a mistake and married someone who I wasn’t designed to be with for a lifetime.  In that relationship there was one factor I overlooked.  I completely ignored the fact that the guy I was in a relationship with didn’t want to take me home to meet his family. When I look back, now that I’m more mature, I can’t believe I was serious about marrying someone who never took me home to meet his family. Even when we were 7 months into the relationship he still never made plans for me to meet his parents. His family didn’t even know that I existed. His excuse was that his family really liked his ex-girlfriend and since he had just broken up with his ex, right before we got together, he thought it would be too soon to take another girl home, which made a lot of sense to me at the time, but later I found out he was still seeing his ex-girlfriend and then married her 2 months after we broke up. So you see, he didn’t want to take me home because he wasn’t completely over his ex. He was not 100% invested in me. God showed me several signs before the break up that he wasn’t for me, but every time I thought I was ready to break it off he’d give me a reason to doubt my inner voice and I would keep him around. I wanted to be in a relationship so I silenced the signs and tried to overlook the obvious. I want you to know that a guy who is serious about you will want to take you home to meet his family and he won’t hesitate to do it. If he has met your family, but there aren’t any plans for you to meet his, then he’s not serious about you. It’s time to be a big girl and stand up for what you deserve. You can’t keep investing 100% of yourself into a person who is on partially invested in you. Who wants to be in a marriage with a person who isn’t giving you there all.

 

guy who won’t take you home to meet his family= a woman who won’t take the time anymore to keep investing feelings and emotions into a person who is unwilling to invest the same into her.

 

5. The guy who wants to just be friends and isn’t ready for a commitment

 

This one should be self explanatory. If the guy you are interested in states he just wants to be friends for now because he’s not ready for a commitment, please take him at his word. He is the type of guy who is not serious about dating you, and trust me you can’t change his mind.  Some of us see this as a challenge so we try to win his heart. My only problem with this is that the man should be trying to win your heart. He should be seeking for a wife and when he finds his wife he will go after her. If a man says he is not ready to commit to you then he is simply not ready for a relationship or he is not ready for a relationship with you because he not totally interested in you. I’ve been given this line so many times I’ve lost count, but what I found to be the most puzzling was that these guys would tell me they weren’t ready for a commitment then 2 months later after I quit talking to them they were in a serious committed relationship with another woman or engaged. I started to realize that if he saw me as his wife he would be ready to commit to me 100%. Once a man finds his wife he is not going to let her get away. It’s not a bad thing that you weren’t the wife for him, so don’t take it personal. God already has your plan mapped out. Why cry over the guy who decided to commit to someone else? He wasn’t your husband in Gods eyes. He may have been your husband in your eyes, but God already has your husband set aside and set apart for you. Sometimes we like to get a head of ourselves and lay claim to something that isn’t ours. It may look right, seem right, but it may not be right.

 

I remember when I was on the search for my first home. I had a certain price range in mind and I knew exactly what I wanted. I looked all over town and finally found a house that was perfect for me. In my eyes it was the perfect size, right price, great location, and was what I really wanted overall, just like some of the men you have picked out. After I walked out of the house I laid claim to that home being my home. I wanted that house and I was claiming it as an act of faith. I prayed to God later about the house and knew all things were going to work out for me. Well it turned out that someone else put their offer in right before I did and the seller of the home accepted it so I was not able to get the house I laid claim to as being mine. This left me puzzled because I just knew that was my house. A week or two after that happened I ended up stumbling upon another home that was even better for me compared to the first and that home ended up being my home.  Everything flowed in order and I had complete peace during the buying process. This was indeed my home.

 

After purchasing my home, I later found out that the first home I had laid claim to was actually bought by a church member of mine. Ironically the women’s ministry at the church decided to throw a housewarming party for the both of us since we both purchased homes at the same time. It was at the house warming celebration that I found out the person I was sharing my housewarming with was the very person who bought the house I thought was supposed to be mine. I couldn’t believe that the house I thought was mine was actually my church members home. This goes to show that God has a perfect plan that has already been predetermined before our own plans come into the picture. I thought I had the perfect plan, but my plan was interfering with the plan that God already had, which was to bless my church member with a home as well. The blessing in all of this was that Gods plan included me too. I was blessed with a house and was my church member. We both were blessed. This story is the perfect example of why we should pray to God for his will to be done. I can pray my will all day long, but Gods will is already written. Therefore, if I align myself with his perfect will then everything will work out beautifully. When we surrender to His will He has the opportunity to blow our minds. So remember, the guy you have laid claim to may not be in the written will of God and if you discover he is not the one for you, but for someone else, then rejoice because that means your husband is still out there! You want the person God picked for you not the person you picked for yourself. Be thankful you didn’t get linked up with someone outside of the will of God.

 

The guy who wants to just be friends and isn’t ready for a commitment = a friend only. If he clearly states who he wants to be to you then let him be just that. You can’t blame him for not wanting to commit when he told you that to begin with.

 

6. The guy who wants to sleep with me, but won’t ask me to be his girlfriend.

I felt it necessary to end my list with this point. They always say the beginning and the end of a list are the most remembered points in a list so I’m ending this list with premarital sex. Too many men and women introduce sex into a relationship before marriage and this completely blurs the lines of friendship and relationship. Women are often times more emotionally tied to their sexual desires than men so women are much more likely to have feelings for the guy they give themselves to and will automatically assume the man feels the same way. This gets so confusing for many because it seems obvious that a guy who is willing to be intimate with you must be interested in you. The truth is the guy is attracted to you, but may not be interested in you on a deeper level. Is he interested in all of you is the question. Is he interested in your heart, your mind, and your feelings or is he more interested in your attractiveness and the pleasure that can come from your beauty and sex appeal? Your goods are worth more than a down payment on a brand new car, so you must keep them on lock. You can’t give away free goodies without a serious commitment. Abstaining from sexual intercourse is extremely hard, I know this to be true, but you have to make a choice. When you choose to refrain from premarital sex you are making one of the best decisions you could ever make for yourself. We often put others before ourselves and give our all without getting much in return. It’s time for you to take control of this area of your life and give something back to yourself. Give yourself the power you have as a woman. The bible clearly speaks on fornication as a sin and how we should be free from all sexual immorality. No one is perfect, and our God in heaven knows this is a challenge for you, but if your true desire is to change, God will see that and He will get you through the temptation you have. Always remember that the temptation you are going through is common to man and that God will make a way of escape for you so you will able to get through it (I Corinthians 10:13).

 

My husband and I both made the decision to refrain from sexual activity before marriage and this is something we both believed in before we even met. A lot of people think if they decide to stop having sex then no one will want them because these days most men won’t wait or can’t wait. Here’s my response to that. I use to believe the same thing. I use to think It was going to take forever for me to meet a guy that believed in no premarital sex. I was hurt often times because guys wouldn’t give me a chance because of what I wasn’t willing to do, but I stand here today to tell you that God will bless you with what you desire if you continue to be patient and trust Him in the process. When I met my husband he told me he didn’t want to have sex before marriage and I told him I felt the same way. This was a sign that showed me he was my husband. For the first time I had finally met a man who wanted to date me in a way that was pleasing to God. He didn’t try to tempt me to do things I didn’t want to do. So, when you are dating and getting to know a guy don’t be afraid to stand your ground and if they leave because of your desire to please God then please let them go. Keep waiting for the man that will wait with you. Quit sacrificing your spiritual wellbeing for a guy who doesn’t even see you as his wife and doesn’t understand the importance of Godly dating and marriage.

 

The guy who wants to sleep with you, but won’t ask you to be his girlfriend = a blocked number and a locked door. Please don’t let them call your phone or knock on you door if they are only interested in sex. Sex was created by God and it was created for marriage. If you don’t have the honor of being his wife then he doesn’t get your husbands privileges.

 

In conclusion, I pray that your eyes will be opened and that God will give you all the wisdom you need to make the right choices when it comes to investing your time and heart into a relationship. There are more ways to tell if a guy is really into you and there’s no way I can cover them all. The best thing you can do is pray to God for a spirit of discernment and for wisdom. God will show you the guys that aren’t out for your best interest. It’s just up to you to listen. Don’t ignore that quiet voice inside of you that’s trying to tell you that you deserve better or you are worth so much more than what you’re getting. If you are thinking you deserve better then you deserve better. Don’t make excuses to accommodate your loneliness or your inability to be patient. Making excuses and holding on to something that’s not there will only prolong you from getting in alignment with Gods will. In His will is where you should strive to be because in when we are in His will things start happening! Stay encouraged and don’t give up. Your husband is out there.

 

Love,

If He did it for me, He will do it for you

 

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