“There aren’t any more good men. Good men don’t exist anymore”. Does this sound familiar? I’m sure it does. So many of us have recited this exact phrase over and over and over. It’s almost an inevitable statement. I say it’s inevitable because despite our high hopes for a successful long lasting relationship we still find ourselves in unsuccessful short term situations. The men we once had high hopes for continue to let us down, an ultimately become another failure to add to our list. Our list of failed dating attempts continues to grow and the odds of finding a good man that will treat us how we want to be treated starts to stack against us. There are countless reasons as to why we allow these words, “There aren’t any more good men”, to find a home in our vacant heart. It’s not our fault they let us down, right? We can’t control the actions of others. This is a very true statement, but there’s something that we can control and that’s our tongue.
You’re probably thinking, what does the tongue have to do with all of this? Well, perhaps we have been speaking defeat over ourselves. Maybe we have been attaching a verbal agreement, unwittingly, to a lie told to us by the enemy, that there aren’t any more good men left. Who told you there aren’t any more good men? I guarantee it wasn’t the voice of the Lord that stated such a thing. The adversary likes to trick our minds when we are weak and vulnerable which usually causes us to question or doubt what’s true. I know you’ve experienced some terrible circumstances in your dating life that have brought you to the conclusion that there are no more good men, but I think it’s time to recapture your thoughts and rearrange the words you speak. The battle we are fighting is not one of flesh and blood, but it is against the evil one (Ephesians 6:12). We are in spiritual warfare. My job today is to help you recognize the battle you are in. How can you fight a spiritual battle with boxing gloves? You can’t. You need the word of God, the truth.
Too many of us have allowed the adversities of life to consume our focus to a point that our minds have become suppressed and overwhelmed by the emotions and mental strain we endure from our obstacles. The problem has become our focus instead of our focus being on the person who can take care of the problem. Who is Jesus. Once our mindset shifts towards the negative side of our situation our words and actions start lining up with our thoughts. The thing I want you to remember concerning your words is that your words have power. Proverbs 18:21 tells us the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Verse 20 of the same chapter states “From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.” If the fruit of our mouth is good fruit then yes, our stomachs will be satisfied. Our lives will be satisfied, however if the fruit of our lips is sour and rotten then our stomachs will be filled with poison. Jesus even told his disciples, “if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done” (Mark 11:23). This scripture clearly shows us that what we say shall happen, if we believe. The question is, in your single life what do you believe? If you say there aren’t any more good men then you must believe that statement, therefore, you shall have what you say. You will continue to meet unworthy men and won’t be able to see the truth, that there are still good men out there. Even if you haven’t come across a good man in years there are good men still out there. Don’t allow your experiences to define the outcome of your story. You have to believe by faith, that they still exist. Think of it this way. If you are single and you desire to be married and believe your husband is out there and you believe he is a good man, why would you declare there are no more good men out there. You just put doubt on your faith, which means you will not have what you believe because you have doubt it in your heart. Instead we should fix our mind on what is true and the truth sounds something like this, “I am single and I believe my future husband is a good man and he exists”. Don’t allow your words to cancel your faith. Something as simple as a statement about no more good men being left can keep you from receiving a good man. Let your words empower your situation. When the enemy lies and tells you all men are no good and they are all the same, you need to speak boldly that your man is good and he is still out there. All men are not low down and I know this because I believed the Lord had a good husband for me. Quit selling yourself short. You know you deserve a good man, so be patient and wait for the right one to make his appearance.
The book of proverbs speaks about our words and how we should be careful to speak good things. Taming the tongue is a very difficult thing to do, but it’s what the wise strive to do. Proverbs 21:23 states, “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” Proverbs 12:14 states, “From the fruit of their lips people are filled with good things…” We need to fill ourselves with the good fruit of our lips. Trust me I understand this is not always easy. We live in a world filled with negative things. During my singleness I even spoke negative words of defeat. Like many of us, my words came from a place of bitterness and hurt. Nothing appeared to be going my way, so my words matched my state of mind. When I began to understand that my words either activated or deactivated my faith, I made a choice to rearrange my words. Phrases like, “No good men exist anymore” changed to “My future husband is an amazing man and he will be good to me”. I went from saying “Maybe one day I will get married” to “I will get married one day”. My faith allowed me to speak words of victory over my situation instead of defeat. Don’t let the fear of what you can’t see rob you of the supernatural blessings that faith can reveal to you.
The mindset change I had undergone did not occur over night and I didn’t get it right on the first, second, or third try. It was a gradual process that took time. I remember the moment the transition began and my mindset concerning my singleness began to gradually change. At the start of my transition the Lord put in my spirit that I needed to surround myself with positive words and most importantly His word. His words are true and I needed to fill my mind, heart, and spirit with the words of God not the words of the enemy! During this transition the Lord instructed me to listen to two songs that was on one of my William McDowell CDs. I was familiar with the songs because I had worn this cd out. The songs were on his Arise album and they were titled “Standing” and “I Have a Promise (Standing reprise)”. I was to listen to these songs every single morning until further notice. So, every morning as I drove to work I would listen to “Standing” then immediately after that song “I Have a Promise” would follow. I did this every morning for so long I lost count of how many days I did this. If I had to guess I would say I continued this morning habit for a couple months. Both of these songs spoke directly to me and the situation I was in. I was waiting for my husband and I knew he was out there, but I needed some reassuring.
What’s so extraordinary about these two songs is that they spoke about standing on the promises of Christ and believing Him to bring to pass the very thing we are praying for. One part of the song “Standing” says, “We’re going to see what we’re praying for…” and I believed I was going to see the husband I was praying for. I listened to this song so many times that I started to believe the words I was singing. I encourage you to listen to these songs too. They are very uplifting and motivating. They gave me hope to continue believing and it caused me to speak positive words concerning my singleness. The promise I was standing on was the promise that I would have a husband. The Lord had already spoken these words to me, so I just needed to believe it would happen by faith.
Although, my negative encounters with men had nearly crushed my hope and caused me to speak negative words, something deep inside of me would not let me give up all hope. This tiny piece of hope that I held on to was enough to make me re-examine my words and my beliefs. They didn’t match. My words needed to line up with what I believed. The songs I mentioned above touched my heart, which turned my thoughts around, and ultimately produced fruitful words from my lips. Proverbs 4:23 states for us to guard our hearts above all things, because everything we do and think flows from it. Verse 24 states that we should keep our mouth free from perversity and corrupt talk from our lips. The heart is a where our issues lie. If our heart is broken our words are broken. So, a healing of your heart is something you also need to pray to God for. He has a healing for your heart, mind, and soul.
Now that you understand the power of your words I want you to believe and say that good men do exist. As proof, I just married one a few months ago, so they are still out there. The question is, do you believe there are good men still out there? Another good question to ask yourself is will you be able to recognize a good man when you encounter one? Many of you may have come across good men, but for some reason weren’t interested in them for various reasons. In my personal experience I encountered some good men, but for whatever reason I didn’t view them as my type. It wasn’t until I matured more as a woman and as a Christian that I realized that my type wasn’t based on physical characteristics, but it was based on characteristics of a person’s spirit. When I met my husband I almost put him in the category as a guy who was “too nice” and not my type. How foolish. I almost let a good man go! But God. I thank the holy spirit for not letting me ignore the fact that this guy had everything I prayed for even though he wasn’t what I imagined my husband to be physically. All I know is that the man I ended up marrying was better than I had imagined and has a heart of gold, like no other. I couldn’t let this rare finding pass me by.
Like myself, I do believe there is a good man out there for you. Yes, the good men available are low in number these days, but they are not extinct. There’s a guy out there right now that’s saying the same about woman. Some men believe there aren’t any good woman out there, but because you are a good woman, you can answer to that statement quickly and boldly. There are good women left because you are one of them. Same goes for men. They are out there! You just haven’t met your good guy yet. Don’t continue to speak death over your singleness. Speak life into your situation. Keep believing and speak what you believe. Say out loud. “There are good men still left. There’s a good man left for me. My husband is a good man so I believe, although I don’t see it, that good men still exist”.
If He did it for me, He will do it for you