On May 17, 2015 at 4:28 pm I logged onto Facebook with a point I had to get across. The post I made was the answer to a question I had been asked repeatedly for several years. That was the day the truth behind my singleness was revealed to me! My posture had been corrected and my vision was finally clear. I finally knew why I was still single. Looking back, I now believe that was the day I started getting in position to receive the promise I always waited for, my husband. Six months after making that Facebook post I met my husband! God had to show me the truth about where I was so I could fully appreciate where he was taking me. He had to make sure all the grey areas in my life where cleared up. He knew I would be creating a blog in two years, I didn’t. So, the revelation he gave me that day was necessary for this moment. Now it’s your turn to understand why you are REALLY single.
When I made the post on Facebook, which I will later reveal to you, I was 28 years old. Just 3 months away from my 29th birthday. This was a big birthday for me. I had always wanted to be married before I was 30, so being 29 and single meant the clock was winding down for me. I know a lot of us feel this way. We put time frames on what we want. Sometimes our timing doesn’t line up with Gods timing. In my eyes I saw being single at age 30 meant I missed the mark. I was supposed to be married by 30 not still looking for marriage at 30, so I thought. Little did I know that God was still working on me. There was no way I would have received my husband if he came before he did. I truly was not ready for him. I had some mindsets and some baggage that had to be destroyed before I could enter into a holy union with this man of God. My husband also revealed to me he felt the same way. If we had met before Gods perfect time, we both wouldn’t have accepted each other. Don’t focus on the time focus on the promise. Remember the story about Abraham and Isaac? God made a promise to Abraham that he would have a son. Time went on and Abraham and his wife were getting much older so they decided to “help God out” by agreeing to let Hagar, the maidservant, sleep with Abraham so they could have a child. This plan worked, but it was not the plan of God. Sometimes we try to help God out because we think He is moving too slow, but ultimately all we do is prolong the promise and slow ourselves down in the process. So, in the end Abraham and Sarai eventually had a son named Isaac. They were very old at this point, but the promise still came! Isn’t nice to know the promise still stands, even when we get in the way.
So, on May 17, 2015 after a long day at work I came home with a statement on my mind that someone stated to me earlier. They said, “I don’t understand how a beautiful, intelligent woman like yourself can still be single.” I wanted to reply “Why does everyone seem to notice how wonderful I am except for the guys I encounter? Why am I still single if I’m such good wifey material?” Instead of giving that response I replied the same way I always did, “I guess I’m still single because I haven’t met the right guy yet. I’m just waiting on God.” Although, I knew I was waiting on God, there was another part to my statement I didn’t say. The other reasons why I believed I was still single.
As I pondered on this all too familiar statement something started brewing in my spirit. I started to dig a little deeper on why I was still single. What I discovered surprised me and I couldn’t keep my peace. The truth was the enemy kept my mind rooted in his lies about singleness and because I was so focused on the negative components of my singleness I had been totally blind to what God was trying to reveal to me. At that moment I realized I had been lied to. It was time for an interrogation and I would be the one asking all the questions! Satan’s lies were about to be put through a lie detector test with the lie detector being the word of God.
Lie #1 “You are still single because you aren’t curvy enough, you’re too tall and skinny, guys like short women. Why don’t you try to gain more weight, try enhancing your figure. That will bring your husband.” The lie detector test determined…. that was a lie. Psalm 139: 14 states “I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” I am beautiful and I know it and I am made in the image of God. The truth is God had a husband for me who was going to love every part of me. Even though I’m taller than him he still thinks I’m beautiful whether in high heels or flats. Skinny and all, he loves me and makes me feel like the most beautiful woman.
Lie #2 “You’re still single because you’re celibate. A man has needs and why punish him for being a man, its natural. No man will wait for you.” The lie detector test determined…. That was a lie. I Thessalonians 4:3-5 states this, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God…” I must keep my body as holy as I possibly can. The truth was God had already designed a husband for me who was saving himself for marriage. My husband and I waited until marriage before having sex. So yes, ladies it is possible. The right man will wait for you. Excuse me, a righteous holy man will wait for you.
Lie #3 “You’re still single because you’re too nice, you’re kinda goofy. Who will take you seriously if all you want to do is laugh and crack jokes. That will just put you in the friend zone. Men like a serious woman.” The lie detector test determined… that was a lie. Proverbs 17:22 states “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones”. I had to realize I had to be myself and that my husband should love me for me. Quirks and all. The truth is God made a husband for me that loves to laugh and laughs 24/7.
Lie #4 “Your spirituality may be too strong, especially if you meet a guy who is not in the church like you are. You may scare him off by inviting him to church too soon. You don’t want to be too deep if he’s not there yet.” The lie detector test determined… that was a lie! Proverbs 31: 30 states “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” I also like how Paul puts it “For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ…” (Philippians 1:20). The truth was God prepared a husband for me that was just as holy as I was. He actually invited me to church first!
So, you see the enemy was busy pouring lies into me about my singleness that caused me to feel hopeless, frustrated, angry, and hardened. The lies the enemy told me where specific to me, after all the adversary studies us and knows our weaknesses. My lies may not be the same as yours, but I’m sure you have some. You may have also heard some of the same lies as mine, but I guarantee you the devil has been watching you long enough to come up with some specific lies for you as well. Perhaps it’s time for you to put some lies to the lie detector test and interrogate the liar in your life. We have to get these lies out of our head and plant the word of God in our heart. Singleness is not a place of defeat, but it’s a place to surrender and a place to grow.
The Facebook post I posted on May 17, 2015 reads as follows: “I get asked all the time ‘Why or how such a nice, smart, pretty girl like yourself can still be single?’ Well… Purpose is more important that preference. It’s so easy to get caught up in what you prefer in a mate. We forget to ask ourselves will this relationship help us fulfill our God given purpose. Will it exalt the Lord? Will it magnify His name? I want a purpose filled relationship. So to answer your question I’m simply waiting on purpose. Literally”. You are single on purpose, for a purpose. Everything God does is intentional, even when it doesn’t feel good it can still be good. It just depends on how you look at it. While you’re single ask yourself how you can posture yourself so God can move in your life. Sitting down and giving up is a posture that says I’m not moving Lord. How can God move you from where you are if you’re sitting down? Looking in your past and not looking forward is a posture that says my back is turned to my future and I’m fixed on my past. How can God guide you forward if you’re facing the wrong direction? Now is the time to take a posture that says I surrender. A stance where your arms are lifted to heaven and your eyes and heart are fixed on God, not the lies of satan. I’m here to tell you that surrendering is a posture that says Lord I’m ready for you to work this thing out. Once you understand why you are single you can appreciate where you are at and though it may be hard to accept, because you desperately want the promise to come to pass, you will still find peace in the midst of your storm. That will get you to your destination. Stay joyful and trust God. He will do just what he says.
If He did it for me, He will do it for you