So, first let me say its no secret we all have created a list in our mind tailored to our wants, needs, and desires and titled it as "my type". Right? I've even fallen victim to the worlds standard of beauty. It's like an undetectable gas that pollutes our minds into believing visual beauty, swag, and money are what's most attractive in a person. This is not true at all. Yes, these things are lovely, but when you are waiting for your spouse it's not a priority. I Know this a hard concept to grab right now, but keep reading. I pray by the end of this article it will make a lot more sense.
We all have imagined what the perfect mate would be like. We can probably compare them to the most gorgeous super model, singer, actor, you name it. He or she probably has a figure worth drooling over. Hands that are big and strong. A smile that could melt anyone at any given time. Eyes that steal your heart. How about swagger like no other and enough money to actually count. Yes, they can dress from head to toe and not to mention they always smell sexy. Need I say any more? The descriptions of the ideal mate go on and on and on. Yes, it is natural to have certain likes and dislikes in a person. We are a species that feed off of visually stimulating things, whether it be a juicy cheeseburger dripping with sauce on a commercial or a handsome business owner wearing a tailored suit and driving a Mercedes Benz. Nevertheless, we are bound to be attracted to certain things and people. All of these wonderful characteristics and physical attributes that we like mold us into a certain way of thinking concerning the type of men and women we like. The perfect person that we carve out in our mind becomes the prototype for a rare and special person that we passionately hold on to in hopes of finding him or her one day. This person ultimately becomes our type.
How many of us have said, “I don’t like that guy. He’s not my type” or “He’s such a nice guy or girl and I know they are a good person, but they’re just not my type”? Now, I’m not stating you should eliminate physical attraction from the equation. That is the very last thing I’m saying, instead, what I am saying is instead of viewing your type as a checklist based on physical qualities, base your type on other qualities and characteristics about a person that are everything but physical attributes. Your type has nothing to do with how tall a person is or how beautiful they are, these are things you like. Our type should actually be based on spiritual, emotional, and nontangible qualities attached to a person. My type is a man who is spiritually grounded, hardworking, honest, committed to the works of the Lord, a handy man, funny, laid back, patient, emotionally stable, financially stable (notice I didn’t say loaded with cash. Financially stable means just that. He can be rich or simply smart with his money, which means he has a savings account and a financial plan for his future), attentive, has the same beliefs concerning dating and premarital sex, and last but not least a man who I am physically attracted to. By wording my type as a financially stable guy and one I'm physically attracted to, instead of placing my specifications on it like be a millionaire and be light skinned and tall may be vague, but it allows God to fill in the gaps for me. I've stated what I desire, but I have not put limits on what God can do, nor have I eliminated what God has already prepared for me. Gods plans exceed our imaginations. He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all things (Ephesians 3:20). No eyes have seen and no ears have heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man the things He has prepared for those that love him (I Corinthians2:9).
When it comes to physical attraction we all deserve that in our relationship, but the attraction should not be the determining factor. My desire to be physically attracted to my type is what I prayed for, and remember my type is based on the spiritual, emotional, and nontangible qualities about the opposite sex.
I’d like share this quick story with you about my own personal experience in finding my husband. For years I had the perfect man carved in my mind. He was tall (6’2 and up to be exact), light skinned, athletic, could dress impeccably well, drove a nice car, had light colored eyes, loved the Lord, and was an engineer or doctor. This may sound silly, but this is what I always hoped for and it slowly became my “My Type” idol. The bible says “… They will recognize how hurt I am by their unfaithful hearts and lustful eyes that long for their idols. They at last will hate themselves for all their detestable sins" (Ezekiel 6:9, NIV). We are not to put anything above the Lord and an idol is anything that a person greatly admires or loves more than the Lord. We may not physically bow down to our type of person, but we often put them high on our list so much to a point where we dismiss others who may be a good fit for us. The only person we should think so highly of is our heavenly Father. So when I met my fiancé he didn’t measure up to what I thought was my type. Yes I said it. He was not my skewed idea of "my type". He was far from the physical qualities that I just spelled out. In fact, he had his very own physical type as well and yes, I was far from that too. I say all this to say, what if I dismissed him because he wasn’t my type. We wouldn’t be married. However, the thought crossed my mind in the beginning. I even called a very close friend to talk to her about the perfect guy I had met, but the only thing missing were the physical qualities I thought I wanted. I remember telling her I wasn’t sure about things, and she simply stated “Give him a chance, he is everything you want, the physical attraction will grow. There was some physical attraction to my now fiancé when we met or I wouldn’t have reached out to him to get to know him when I saw his online profile, I just had idolized a certain type of guy and this guy did not measure up. It wasn’t until I prayed one of the most earnest prayers in my life that I realized how wrong I was and that I am not perfect myself. No man is. I was in tears because I couldn’t understand how I could be so superficial and not be all in for a guy who I had clearly identified as everything I wanted and prayed for except for a few physical qualities. T
There’s a story in the bible in I Samuel 16 about Samuel and David. Samuel was instructed by the Lord to go to Jesses’ house because there he would find the next king. Jesse had 8 sons and upon Samuels arrival he laid eyes on one of Jesse’s sons that had the look and appearance of a king. There was no doubt in Samuel’s mind that this was the next King, “But the Lord said to Samuel, do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart”. This is how we should view the opposite sex when dating. Get rid of the idol in your mind and open yourself up to seeing the heart of the person you’re dating. So during my prayer I asked God to change my heart. I didn’t want to be superficial and look at the physical any more I wanted to see my husband for who he truly was. I stated to the Lord "If this is your will then let Your will be my hearts desire." Folks, it was in no time that things began to turn around. I started noticing more qualities in him that were attractive and the more I got to know him the more attractive he became. Not only has my fiancé become the most handsome man to me, but every thing I thought I didn’t like, like his height, don’t even matter to me. I actually will wear my high heels around him now even though I’m a good 3 inches taller than him when I do. He is the finest man to me and I love everything about him. I have romantic feelings for a guy who I initially wrote off as not being “My Type”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard married women say they didn’t like their spouse or he wasn’t my type when they first met, but some how they ended up falling in love and now they are married.
In closing I’ll say this, your type is everything about a person that is going to make a 40 plus year marriage work. Your type is a person who can communicate well, is not abusive, has a love for Christ, seeks to edify the kingdom of God, can respect you, picks you up when you’re down, never leaves you when things get tough, prays with you, works hard to make you smile, can hold a steady job, and the list goes on. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting... (Proverbs 31:30). These things will soon pass away. Your type is way more than a beautiful idol that has been created and shaped by the world. Let God reveal your type to you. Surrender to His will, not your will. If you trust Him to pick your mate then your husband will be all that you desire and more. Trust me It's not easy giving up your idea of the perfect spouse. It's something you've held on to for years and have grown with, but believe me its worth letting go of. If He loved us enough to give us His only begotten son so we may live again, don’t you think He cares enough about your desires to place you in a holy marriage that you will be happy and fulfilled in every area. It’s scary giving up that control of picking your mate, after all that should be one thing we get to pick in life, right? My answer to that is this, we should be willing to give God control of every area of our lives. If I trust him with my finances, then why wouldn’t I trust him with picking my mate and why would I not trust the person He has for me will be the perfect person. It wasn’t until I surrendered to the will of my Father that it was revealed to me who my husband was. This act of submission was all the Lord needed to see to say "My child you are ready and because of your faith in me, here is your husband." If I stayed in my will, I would still be single and holding on to an idol that I would never find.
So kill your “My Type” idol! It has no place in your heart or your life. It’s time to surrender and let the Lord direct your path. He will never lead you wrong.
If He did it for me, He will do it for you